half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize