it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
