Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
They are going to name an STD after you.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
