WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
