I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
