The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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