Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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