I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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