I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize