he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize