When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
