Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
