just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Another day, another engagement, another cat
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Your penis caused this!
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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