3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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