This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Randomize
