Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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