im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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