John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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