i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
