I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I'm lost and stupid without you.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Randomize
