he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
