Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
