Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
He better not be in your backpack
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
