Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
This is classic penis vs brain.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
