I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize