Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
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