What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
