If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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