I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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