I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
