ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
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