Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
