You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
