I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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