i love accidental penises.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
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