$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize