she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
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