sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
