she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
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