There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
