Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
