Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
