hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
