just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
