so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Randomize
