if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
