That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
