he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I just gift wrapped bread.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
