i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize