totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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