Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize