I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Randomize
