omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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