Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
