Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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