A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
