Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize