Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Randomize
