Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
