Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
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