Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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