i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
