6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
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