guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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