Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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