you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
