Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
