The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Randomize
