just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
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