She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize