She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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