actually, I'm a sock model
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
