the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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