he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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