If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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