There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Randomize
