please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize