i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
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