Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Randomize
